Note: This text was written just for fun. Do not take the medication without a doctor's prescription.
Parents are asking when you are going to graduate, your boss is looking over your shoulder to see when you are going to finish the important project even though your paycheck is way late, your wife is jumping down your spine, your boyfriend is messing with your brain. You are cracking at the seams and you would be happiest to tell them all to mind their own business and head to a desert island, but you can't. You don't feel like killing your negative energy by exercising, violence is certainly not the solution, you can't afford alcohol, let alone quality drugs.
ARIES
The combination of energy and a large amount of nervousness can be disastrous both for you and your surrounding because you can be aggressive when you're under pressure. Xanax can save you from being irritable and having angry outbursts, but be careful because it can be quite addictive if you take it every day.
TAURUS
You are a great fighter in life, but even you are not exactly Hulk. When things get too tough and you don't know what to do, Lorazepam will take away all anxiety attacks, sudden inability to breathe and will take care of your sleeping disorder which always comes with big concentration of stress.
GEMINI
The combination of Linden and wild mint tea. Either you will make a deal with the grannies selling in the market to be your regular suppliers or go and visit your own grandma in the country, find a neighbor’s linden tree and afterwards just spread it on the table to dry. In order to find mint, just follow the goats’ trail, and when you see them blissfully chewing the leaves and their eyelids are half way down, that’s where you should pick.
See also: HOROSCOPE: THESE THREE SIGNS ALWAYS RUIN THEIR RELATIONSHIPS
CANCER
With Valium, you will get rid of accumulated nervousness, and you will be as peaceful as Buda, and you will bring into your life a bit of glamor of old Hollywood, just be sure not to overdo it because we all know very well what happened to many film stars.
LEO
Another lion among the sedatives, Lexilium, will help you get rid of anxiety and tension successfully. Also, when you start doubting yourself and you are wrecked, there's your new pal, even in cases when you realize that you can't remember more than four items from your supermarket list.
VIRGO
In order to avoid making unpleasant scenes that you are prone to, and also finally get rid of insomnia that has been bothering you, Diazepam is the right solution for you. Half an hour after taking it even if someone told you half of your family has been slaughtered, you simply won't care.
LIBRA
Good old Bensedin, which you may remember with melancholy from high school combination with beer, but now don’t try that by no means. Be responsible, because no one needs an employee, husband or a brother who is tripping to be at a junky gathering club or, God rest its soul, Studio 54.
SCORPIO
You are so dark with the extreme self-destructive trait. Zoloft could be a permanent solution for you because after a couple of days you will be under the impression that all thunderstorms you had in your head happened to someone else, not you.
See also: ASTRO PROPOSAL: WHAT KIND OF ENGAGEMENT DOES EACH HOROSCOPE SIGN DESIRE
SAGITTARIUS
You tried different drugs but none brought you calmness that you were hoping for. That's because you don't know that hops, lemon balm and lavender drops are the combinations for the salvation of your too tensed nerves.
CAPRICORN
You are both stubborn and conservative so you are tripping that calming drugs are just for lunatics. And why wouldn't you help yourself with a Demetrin pill? You will regain your lost piece in no time, anxiety will drop to zero, and if you are one of those who like a good sip, then you'll be perfect.
AQUARIUS
You are a hippie in your heart, you won’t let pharmaceutical companies with their aggressive campaigns fool you. Only Valerian and lemon balm, avoid capsules exactly because of detestable pharmacists, but when you really have to, then you will, for milder stress take a sip of tea (in bulk, you wouldn’t won’t to hear of bags).
PISCES
You are way to sensitive and often melancholic, so you can always rely on Bromazepam. With it, it's the same thing as with a pie, sometimes you need a quarter, sometimes a half and sometimes the whole one can't satisfy you completely.
NOTE: This text was written only to entertain you, not to get you stoned and get to the situation 'I didn't mean to, but I read it on the Internet.'
