After a period of dating comes the period of a serious relationship that leads towards marriage and starting a family.
This all changes earlier emotional attitude of an adult child towards the parents. When a person has good enough relationship with his or her partner, it is considered normal that this emotional connection has become more important than attachment to parents, says psychotherapists.
The advantage is given to the person who will accompany you through life and with which you will have and raise children. To make this transition goes smoothly, parents should accept this change.
Despite being in a satisfactory long-term emotional relationship, it is possible that the person is more strongly tied to one of the parents. There are daddy’s daughters, daddy's sons and mother's daughters, but probably the most fascinating are mama's boy.
Even though physically grown up, mother’s boy didn’t get the psychological permission from his mother to grow up emotionally.
These mothers are very dedicated to their sons and often find the meaning of their life in this relationship. Since adult and independent son doesn’t need his mother, these mothers unconsciously fear that in such case they will become unnecessary and useless, without a sense of life.
They consciously encourage his growing up and independence, but at the same time they unconsciously send opposite message, labeling their son as naive, amenable, incompetent and passive – in short unprepared to be independent.
These are often single-parent families in which mother sacrificed and dedicated herself to a child, ignoring herself, so she doesn’t know how to live outside the role of a mother. Sometimes mothers disappointed in the love of her husband, redirect their love towards their son.
When a son is symbolically married to his mother, he can’t emotionally tie to his partner good enough, so she doesn’t manage to feel accepted enough and to develop a sense of belonging, which is the foundation of a good relationship. This destabilizes such marriages.
To these mothers no girl is ever good enough for their son. If the girl accepts mother's dominance and goes into a role of "new daughter," only then the mother can accept her, but only if she subordinates.
Sometimes it takes just one look at someone to realize that he’s obviously mama's boy, and sometimes it is noticed only after entering the marriage. When she discovers that, woman hopes that her husband will change and grow up emotionally.
When she realizes, he won’t, that there are always three of them in marriage, conflicts and bad feelings come up. To him it only confirms that ‘mama’s right’ and that he made a bad choice, and in the case of divorce, they blame the wife together.
This all makes it clear that for girls it’s better to look for serious relationships and avoid mama’s boys. If they realize late that they are married to one, and if they want to ‘open his eyes,' they need to be very patient and to do so by taking very small steps.
You shouldn’t forget that from his earliest childhood he was subjected to hypnotic idealization of his mother.